Most people, most of the time, behave automatically. Zombies.
The brain saves energy if it does not have to be creative in each moment.

You were not born with this behavioural pattern, your brain has created it.
The brain would not have developed it if it did not think there was a good
reason for it -- at the time.

The reason is always survival. Existence is not sentimental about this -- it
wants you to survive in order to reproduce. That is what most things are
about.

So you have developed this way of speaking as a defence against something
your brain thought was a danger -- at that time. Finding out what your brain
thought was this perceived danger, at that time, is a good start.

Most people go through their whole lives behaving in an automatic way --
that was created in order to survive a situation -- that no longer exists!
Silly eh. And even if the situation still exists, having grown older, the
situation can be dealt with in a much more mature and convenient way.

Here is the main point. You developed this 'affliction' at an early, and
thus malleable time. Plus, by behaving that way, unconsciously, for such a
long time since, it is deeply embedded in the structure of your brain. So
not easy to move. Simple, but not so easy. You have to want it enough.

Most people never, ever, get free. In fact, most people do not even realise
that they have/are in a behavioural pattern -- that shields them from being
'their unique selves. Even therapists and gurus! It is very, very rare to
meet someone who is aware, and thus beyond their automatic behaviour.
Very, very rare.

So if you want to be free of this crippling pattern, you have to really,
really want to be free. It has to be your priority -- in every moment.
What does 'really, really' mean? A matter of life and death. Which it is.
It is very rare to meet an alive person. As I say, most are zombies almost
all of the time.

This is what I mean: If you really, really want to be free, imagine that if
you behave that way again, three more times, the person most beloved to you
will get an extremely painful terminal cancer. See what I mean? If you want
it that much -- it has gone already. And if not, it is up to you how long it
takes.

If you really, really want to be free then something starts to happen in
your system. You still have to support the happening with every minute
awareness, but the dissolution has started.

So often people say: "I hear what you say, I agree with you, and I have
really tried, but I still seem to behave the old way." Just nonsense. If you
want to pick something up, you pick it up. Either you do, or you don't --
there is no in-between phase. Matter of priority.

When you speak, you are 'measured.' Your brain considers everything, and
edits every thing you say -- before you say it -- to make sure it is 'safe.
And you are indirect -- you ask questions instead of stating your truth.

You are not aware of it of course, but your mind will not allow you to be
spontaneous. When you were young this was not safe. 'Grown ups' are afraid
of truth -- because of their childhood conditioning. If you were
spontaneous, and truthful you might say things like: I don't like grandma
coming -- she smells." Not allowed!

When your mind checks everything before you say it then we are not getting
you. On one level we all know that, but if we say anything you might say
something about my behaviour. Not allowed.

So, slow down, breath deeply, and 'say' everything you say. Every syllable.
Say it. And feel what you are feeling. Look around -- is there really any
danger, in this moment -- and even if there is a slight chance someone may
say something you do not like to hear, is it worth you living in that box?

Check it out -- there is no substitute for freedom.

Let me know. Sending love...

 -------------------------------

Extract from a sharing from V:
>Like so often, I felt deeply touched with this email that appeared like a
>miracle as this topic has been with me over the last weeks. I've been intensely
>'on my case' with being present at all times and in all circumstances - and a
>lot was discovered. (And, it feels there is more to come.)

>At one point I wondered - what have I been doing before? Together with the
>realisation of how asleep I must have been (and possibly still am) came
>forgiveness, tremendous gratitude and great joy for this happening now.

Paul:
There are no 'coincidences.' If we sincerely want something, it will come.

Life starts now. And now. And now.
Keep looking back and you will keep bumping into the same old things.
"Each second is the first second of your life." Zen.

When you do slow down and start to become aware of what you are doing,
saying, thinking, it is embarrassing. Very. And it is irrelevant. Start now.
And now.

As you slow and become aware, you will realise for yourself that often what
you are doing is not what you really want to be doing; the voice you have
been using is not yours; and you are not thinking those thoughts -- they are
thinking you. Often you feel paralysed and not know what to do, say or
think. Time to take over.

And no time has been wasted -- all useful experience -- even if it is just
to pass on your experience to others -- who may be ready to listen.
So keep sharing. Everyone has something to share with someone.

As you uncover yourself, a beautiful being emerges.
Time to be the beautiful person you really are.

Sending love...