It is amazing to me, considering all the warnings, that anyone who is not
totally drunk or drugged, would have unprotected sex with someone they are
not intimately connected with over some extended time. Russian Roulette.

Another aspect is pregnancy. Often women have told me that they had not had
an ejaculation inside them - yet they got pregnant. Seems they have not
heard of pre-come - the sperm that can escape before the man ejaculates, and
how long the sperm can stay alive inside the woman.

On one level we are always responsible for... whatever.
And everything can be a useful experience - especially if not repeated.
And the past is past. Life really does start now. This now. Now.
And, once stirred up, the energy may take a while to settle.

Someone writes to Paul:
>I have not loved and honoured my body.

Or the person you are with next with.

>and not to find out I have HIV!

It can happen with one time, but not so likely.
I used to give evening talks in New York to people who were HIV positive.
It was the early days and hundreds came. At that time you were given six
months to live. So many tears when people shared: "Just one time and...."
And as I say, not so likely as it is not easy to catch.
It is more the other infections.

I suppose you know - genital warts may not create discomfort - so you have
to keep checking to make sure if they are present.

You could be saying: "If only I hadn't shared..."
But holding back is a form of slow suicide. The discord we keep inside
unbalances the system in such a way that it can prevent self-healing.

In my experience it is often that each step of awareness gets 'tested' - to
see how deep the experience has gone.

To Paul:
>I'm finding it hard to have compassion for myself and the mistakes I have made.

This attitude is not healthy, or intelligent.
Anything that is not gratitude is poison.
Everything, everything is always for us. I suggest you disconnect from your
complaint and regrets and find your gratefulness.

Sending love...