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Awakening Part - Something... |
Hi Love...
As I mentioned, I do feel as though, no matter how wonderful the situation
has been and still is for you, there is part of you that would like it
finished - so that you can 'settle' and be certain and have the feeling of
being in control.
(Not that we are ever in control of course - just an illusion.)
Often we are ready to settle for less - rather than the uncertainty of an
unknown future.
Feeling so strongly, and not being in complete control of the outcome of the
situation is disturbing for you. You are more used to getting your own way?
And you may feel that so much has happened already - feeling free from the
past, seeing everything more clearly, and having a new life, that there is
no need to get more from the situation?
In my experience there is always more - until you know, for certain, that
the phase has 'done its job' and is complete. (If ever.)
I consider the physical part for you as 'just' a symptom of something much
deeper and stronger. And, as always, you could blow it. You want to 'do'
something with the energy rather than just be in it/it in you?
(You say people say you are 'too much.' No such thing as too much.
If you yourself are feeling it is too much then it just means that the
energy is being held back on some level and not balancing out.
Once you really, really let go it will balance into a unique-to-you gentle,
yet powerful harmony.)
And of course, you already know all this. You can see for yourself when you
are holding back, using your Will to make things happen, or letting life
live you.
So it could be a matter of: are you holding yourself back from going out and
finding 'a somebody' or are you being with what is. (And it could be both.)
I have always found that the maximum potential is to be open and receptive
to follow any feeling, but not to go out seeking - because, from the past,
and your conditioning, you can only know what your neurosis wants - based on
the restrictions of the past - and not what you actually need for your
evolvement.
And as I said, either way, no worries, what we need always comes around
again - just not always so pleasant or so much fun the next time.
(Or even in this lifetime!)
One more thing.
Awakening is a tradition in the East, and they say that when the energy/you,
frees itself/yourself, to flow unconditioally/unrestricted through the body,
the effects can be very dramatic. It is never what you thought it would be.
The three main symptoms can be: Feeling as though you are going insane;
suicidal; or so much sexual energy you do not know what you possibly do with
it.
The advice given is usually: Stay with it. That tremendous force of energy
is needed to clear the channels. It needs to be that strong to get through.
And, the less you hold, the easier (and more pleasant) is the transition.
I have spoken!
Sending you lots of love...
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